And, the Lord speaks...

I tried to think of a way to start this post today, and tried about 5 different things that I didn't want to use. So i figure the best way to start this post would be vulnerability and just coming to all of you, being in a place of brokenness, and just sharing life with you. This has been one of the most difficult semesters I have ever experienced. I have taken on so many things, and they were great things that have produced fruit in wonderful ways, but has also kept me from spiritually feeding myself. I am worn out, tired, and feel alone in the process. I may not be in a ton of pain, or experiencing something of extreme caliber, but I have definitely felt completely distant from God at times this semester. Time keeps ticking, and it waits for no one.

To everything there is a season, and a time to every purpose under heaven.
A time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to reap that which is planted.
A time to kill, and a time to heal; a time to break down, and a time to build up;
A time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to to mourn, and a time to dance.
A time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together; a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing.
A time to get and a time to lose; a time to keep, and a time to cast away;
A time to rend, and a time to sew; a time to keep silence and a time to speak;
A time to love, and a time to hate; a time of war, and a time of peace."
Ecclesiastes 3: 1-8

But the beauty of it, is God is never distant from us. We can run as far away from God as we want, but His Love, His Mercy, His Grace is showering above us. Today in church, we dissected Psalm 23. Line by line, we broke down what exactly it meant. In verse 6, it says "Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life, and I shall dwell in the house of the Lord FOREVER." Surely, goodness and mercy shall follow me... Follow me. This word follow is meant as an "active pursuit." God is constantly and actively pursuing us with all these things. When we are on a spiritual high, He is still there, holding us and pouring these things over us. When we are in the valley of the shadow of death, His position does not change. These things NEVER change. It doesn't matter how distant we feel, God has his arms wide open waiting for us to just understand there is nothing we can possibly do to escape what he is constantly giving us. It may be possible that no one will ever understand my heart, how I feel or why why I feel it, but God knows EVERY detail of my heart. There is not one thing about me, and this time in my life that He has missed. And here I am, a sinner, so ungrateful for all that I have been given, and he just constantly whispers "I love you" in my ear. Will I ever understand such a beautiful and precious thing? I think the love of God is one of the things I understand the least about the gospel. Why would the King of the universe rejoice over a sinner like myself? Why on earth would you choose to save me? It blows my mind.

We also talked about John 10:11-18. "I am the good shepherd. The good shepherd lays down his life for the sheep. He who is a hired hand, and not a shepherd, who does not own the sheep, sees the wolf coming and leaves the sheep and flees, and the wolf snatches them and scatters them. He is a hired hand and cares nothing for the sheep." God is so in love with who we are, and is so completely immersed in our lives... He cares more than anything about us. If he didn't, He wouldn't spend anytime creating us to be more like Himself. Satan, who attacks us so often cares NOTHING for us. His only intention is to harm us, give us things that only temporarily satisfy, and makes us as distant from God as possible. Why would we ever follow this way? When we are faithful to ask and spend much time with God in communion through prayer, He WILL make his path for us known. Sometimes, it requires stepping out in faith, but our God makes no mistakes. So why is it that we so often run to what is easy, worldly, and not eternal? We know over and over that NOTHING will ever satisfy us as the Lord, OUR God, will. "I am the good shepherd. I know my own and my own know me, just as the Father knows me and I know the Father, I lay down my life for my sheep." What a glorious act of love. Our God can lay down his life, for US, and then take it up again. What a mighty and powerful God we have. He knows us, and He gives us the beautiful opportunity to know Him more. The Ultimate Creator. What on EARTH could be possibly more important than simply knowing our God, who gave His Son, so that we could do just that? I think we should all ask ourselves that question. Whatever that "it" is for you, get rid of it, because God wants your full attention, and He has so much to show you.

Just in sitting down and writing this, I feel like God is opening my heart to such beautiful truths that I myself need to dwell upon. Because Satan will do anything to gain our attention and distract us from Christ, it is so important to stress and preach these truths to us daily. We must refuel and recharge on the Word of God or we will burn out. You can't pour out if you are not being poured into. I have learned this brutally this semester. I have also learned that you yourself will NEVER have it all together. Stop trying, it ain't gonna happen (for some reason, I imagined Brandon White saying this in my head... Look at you, you get a little shout out.) But God wants us to realize we can't do it. He wants us to cast all our anxieties, worries, insecurities, and so-called "problems" on Him. None of those things are bigger than our God. And praise Him for that! Amen.

All and all this has been a roller coaster of a semester, but my God, who is so often neglected and put on the dusty shelf in my life, continues to pursue me, purify and cleanse me, and change my heart. So undeserving. Yet still so loved. There is nothing in this world more beautiful than the gospel of Jesus Christ. I continue to see the importance of surrounding yourself with the Body of Christ as time goes on, and I am just so blessed and thankful for those God has put in my life. I have no idea why my friends would keep someone as crazy and ridiculous as myself around, but God has shown me so much grace through all of them, and I am beyond blessed. Thank you friends, for always being there, showing me truth in all aspects of life, and showing me a glimpse of the way God truly loves me.

Whew, that was a lot. Thanks for bearing with me. As I started typing, God laid so much on my heart that I felt needed to be shared. I hope it finds you well, and my convictions have opened your eyes in some way. As for Australia, I realized today I leave 2 weeks from tomorrow. Unreal. I am so excited to see the way the Lord is moving, and just have my heart be changed in so many ways. I know that the Lord has big plans for our teams there, and I don't doubt that we will all come back to the states completely changed. And I pray that we do.

I still have around $1,000 left to raise, and I know my teammates are right there with me. Please pray for our belief, that we would trust God to provide what we need, and also just that we would press on- making phone calls and meeting with people about supporting us. It is a hard thing to do, but I know when we are faithful, the Lord is faithful.

"Jesus IS my hope,
And I know he stills the wind,
So take my very life away
as long as I get Him."

Let us meditate on God's Word this week, for it is the only true thing in this world! God bless you, friends :)